Beneath the Financials ...

How sad, it must not be known, never.

I am a person who is very transparent with what I feel as this is where I get my energy.

For music, for communication.

I can only hide the pain I feel in this business that I’m doing, for the sake of my unborn organization. And so is this ardent feeling of longing.

I’m happy that you’re finally interacting with me, that is in a jovial and casual way. It makes me, think, will you take notice after I made a sale? Will you still talk to me even if that’s the only sale I did?

But I’ll let this moment last longer than it should, I’ll dwell on it even if I shouldn’t. Why? It maybe the only time he’ll ever be this jovial to me. This point in time, a tangent of fantasy and reality intersecting at some various space continuum.

I wish I could tell you straight forward how much I really want to be with you. That I want to be where you are, that you make my heart want you. I just wish I could. By next week, I’ll be seeing you less often. It will be a sad day not to see you, or to see you for a short while.

But I can’t. I can’t tell you how much I like you. I just can’t tell you those things. I’m too afraid to do so. I can’t risk the only thing that bonds me with you. I know that when I tell you that I like you, you will hate me, you will avoid me. You’ll never be jovial to me, even if I sold more than 7 units. I can’t afford to not feel a sliver of a connection from you.

You’re more than just my business coach, you reminded me what it’s like to aspire, to set a goal, to dream, to live. I owe you that. I am not yet what I dreamed of, but with your help, I can be. Thank you for that, I owe you my future, you taught me how to dream, to aspire, to persevere. Just the mere fact that you acknowledge my dedication and persistence in this ruthless but fun business is already a kiss on my lips from you. Thank You, I’ll never forget what you’re done for me.

For now, it’s better this way that you don’t know how much you truly mean to me, as a business coach and … my love. You don’t need to know all this much about me. I keep this to myself, this will be a mystery that I’ll hold, so that you don’t get to know all of me, so you’ll search me when the right time comes. It’s better that you don’t know all about me, so you can search me.

We’ll see each other tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep. Tomorrow would be the last day I’ll spend the entire day with you, starting Monday I’ll only get to see you on evenings. What a sad day indeed, my hidden love. Auf Wiedersehen.

Wrong Way ...

If there is anything sadder in terms of love, it is unrequited love. A love that shouldn’t manifest despite its ardent longing to be with that person. Sadly I myself, have fallen victim to this. Let me tell you my story.

I have met a person whom, at first I found pitiful, because I thought he was begging me to be part of his team. I found it pitiful and, being a kind-hearted fellow that I am, I gave it a shot. When I joined his team and attended the trainings, I found out that I was the one who was pitiful, as I didn’t know how to plan for my future. He has his own plans and his course of action. I don’t even have a dream, let alone a course of action that I should take.

As the months passed by, he was training me on how to handle the business that I have, and I learned how to do it on my own, but still needed a guide or two since it takes time to really master the business. Apart from my skills that grew, so did my feelings for him, albeit he doesn’t know it because he’s (always) clueless. I guess it’s that naïveté that attracts me to him.

Of course, this is a purely business relationship that I have with him, nothing underneath that is scandalously juicy. I tried to hide it by playing nonchalant, to the point that I almost convinced myself that I really didn’t harbor any romantic feelings for him. I was THAT good … or so I thought.

Until just last weekend, our business group went to the beach to just relax and enjoy a little bit of summer and obviously, my mentor/crush was with us. Up until that day, I never really thought him that attractive though I would say I do find him cute and pleasing to look at (which was my advantage since he’s personally mentoring me) but when he’s not wearing his semi-casual attire or even business attire, it was another side that I’d never thought I’d see again . He was wearing a black windbreaker and a white T-shirt underneath it and maong pants, the ensemble looked uniquely almost perfect because of his clean haircut which really turned heads, at least for me .

He really looked clean and just plain handsome. How can you not turn away from him? Apparently, he knew how to ruin the moment. He introduced me to his guest and he addressed me using my codename: Trixie. Pissie little byotch yes I was.

Nevertheless, his charming cute looks won me over, and I’ve seen him almost everyday for the last 6 months that I’ve been doing the business? A tall Chinese-mestizo young adult with a kissable pinkish lips that looks sexier with a little bit of facial hair on his chin and upper lip. Goodness, just thinking about those lips makes me want to kiss him, but I can’t, because he’s my mentor.

My ardent feelings for him reached its pinnacle, but still clandestine during late evening when we played a quasi-truth or dare whilst drinking alcohol (I didn’t drink alcohol, I don’t want to …). I liked the fact that he didn’t vomited when he drank quite a lot. He was clueless just quiet and when he was beyond tipsy (read: drunk) he went straight to bed and slept like cooking oil on a cold winter day (read: hibernated). Although he was a little bit too skinny for me, I still like him, a little bit more than before.

Sometimes I find myself looking at him for an indefinite period of time and just plainly looking at him. I guess it’s ok, since he’s oblivious to it.

If there’s anything worth noting about this mini vaca is the question and answer portion (the time when my other group mates were drinking booze and I was being the tight diva). I was hoping that he would get the “you can ask a question to anyone in this group” card and he’d ask me if I had a crush on him.

I’d initially say No but the truth of the matter is, I do have one, kind of big, but not big enough to sweep me off my feet.

They also asked me if I’d be stuck in an island and I had to take one person with me in our group. Initially I said another name (a girl’s name) because, of course, I was hiding it and I hid it further by injecting some green jokes. But truth of the matter is, I want to be with him. I really do, I’d spend my lifetime with him, loving him, caring for him.

I prayed to God and finally admitted to Him that I really like him, despite all that façade of indifference and now, my crush towards him suddenly grew.

This is where the sad part comes in. I can only look from afar. He’s a straight guy; he’d never take interest in a gay person like me. He would never pursue me. Hanggang tingin lang ako. I’d probably be sad if I see him with another girl, only because I really want to be that girl, loving him. Thinking about this makes me tear up a bit because I am genuinely honest with my feelings with him. But maybe because it was me who pushed him away. He wanted to connect, but I didn’t let him. I still think he’s straight, the connection he wants to establish with me was probably a friendship one, not a romantic one.

I wish he would become my boyfriend, even for just one day. That would be enough for me to show how much I really care for him, not just show how much I progressed in my business. I would be very happy if that happened :), even in just one day with him, wrong way, T*ng Rong Wei. His Chinese name fits the path I’m treading, wrong way. If this is happiness, then I’d be happy I was wrong, for a day. I wish I could tell you I love you without feeling embarrassed or compromising our business relationship, but for now, it has to remain silent. My mentor, not my boyfriend.

I can never be the woman you desire, I’m not a woman, just a gay man wanting to feel your love. I’ll never experience it with you. So close yet so far away, that adage can’t get anymore concrete…

Meme Questions 2

1.Last year, can you remember who you liked?
I’ve never changed the one I liked. That’s why 2005 will be a pivotal year for me. I met this person that I wanted to be with forever, but that person isn’t ready…yet

2.Two days from now this time, where will you be?
In ortigas, meeting up with prospective clients

3.Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
What kind of feelings, friendship? Love (romantic?, platonic?), lust? …?

4.Have you ever thought you were going to marry someone?
Not now, maybe in heaven I will, that’s better than getting married on Turks and Caicos

5.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?
A little. I’m good at hiding nervousness, at least I believe I’m good.

6.Who was the first person you talked to today?
Our housekeeper

7.How late did you stay up last night and why?
2am…I, um…that’s none of your business anyways

8.Have you ever liked someone on your top friends?
What? Top friends? Um, no because they’re friends, not sex-friends…

9.Do you smoke weed everyday?
What for? I’m already high without it

10.Could you go a month without cursing?
I don’t fucking think so

11.Have you ever ridden a horse?
A long time ago, when Naomi Campbell wasn’t a supermodel yet

12.You can take one friend on vacation with you, who?
Noel…

13.Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I try not to cry in front of people…

14.You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life,what is it?
Water, or G3 from Pharmanex…

15.Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
I think so

16.When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking?
My heart is always breaking everytime I see M***** flirting with other sluts. Just kidding…everytime my business is on the brink of falling apart, it breaks my heart because I feel incapable of resuscitating it.

17.Who are your favorite people to talk to when you’re down?
UJ, ringo, kaye, sam

18.Does the person you like, like you back?
No…I’m but a SOP-mate, sad but partly-true

19.When's the last time you talked with the opposite sex on the phone?
Just this afternoon, busy scheduling a pampering service for them…

20.Are you friends with someone who lies about the stupidest stuff ever?
I think so…

21.What did you do today?
Do business, secretly swoon at my sponsor, watch FTV

22.What will you be doing in 3 hours?
Sleep and dream

23.Do you miss the way things used to be?
Yeah, I wish I had lots of money :)

24.Would you ever live with anyone on your top friends?
It depends

25.Does anyone call you baby?
My mom sometimes, even if I’m 23, hahahaaha

Tory Burch Pre-Fall Collection 2009

Tory Burch Pre-Fall Collection 2009

“An American in Venice in the 60s”. That was the description of the socialite-turned fashion designer Tory Burch for her 16-piece collection.

For her pre-fall collection, Burch was channeling Peggy Guggenheim when she went to Venice in the 60s. She did this by using paisley prints inspired by Murano glass on her Lamé jacquard shift dresses, blouses with gondola patterns (the stripes) and footwear of either embossed stingray sandals or python flats. She featured basic wardrobes like sheer-linen cotton knits and graphic-printed cardigans, accessorized with bags or purses.

Tory Burch’s aesthetic point of view is something every fashionista can relate to. It’s girly, it’s colorful but not Heatherette-colorful, it’s chic in a relatable way and it’s something the teen girls in Gossip Girl would wear. Using cardigans to add that relatable-factor in her collection is actually amusing. The prints she used for her shift dresses are very cheerful and somewhat sophisticated, though a little too cute.

My favorite look would be this printed shift dress with ruffled stripes on the neck (PICTURED-LEFT) because it has to be the most chic look out of all the looks in the collection. Another standout look was the aqua blue cardigan on top of a printed dress (PICTURED-RIGHT). I’d say this collection is probably too bright for pre-fall, nevertheless, its cheerfulness offsets the austerity of the other label’s pre-fall collection.

For the entire 16-piece collection, click this link:
http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/2009PF-TBURCH

Network Marketing Business With Nutricentials/NSE Philippines

So here I am writing a blog for one of my 3 blogs that I maintain, 2 of course coming from blogger.com and the other one is in multiply. I just have to blog, otherwise, I’ll implode from hiding those things that have to be said.

Anyways, I’m doing a network marketing type of business. I know that a lot of people have this ugly preconceived notion about the business. I personally, at first have the same misconception but it changed. It all started when my former boss from that consulting firm asked me to make a research about Multilevel Marketing. So I did the task, tried to make an outline of the topic, got articles and made a report out of it. As usual, my boss found it average, personally I do agree with it. I just felt that it wasn’t as deep as it should be but he still ok-ed it, so that works. He just asked me to research some more of those. Fast track to 3rd week of November, I got invited to attend this appointment to see the business and then everything started from there. There’s only one thing going on in my head during the talk, it was how much would I shell out cash. It turns out I have to shell out Php12,600.

They have a good way to alleviating the shock of the money: Think of it as a franchise/business investment. If you do, that amount becomes unbelievably small. Of course, it does. I mean, franchises are very expensive, they range for about Php21K to Php5 million, there are stipulations on down payment and other financial matters that just escapes me to the point of utter confusion. If it was a business venture of some sort; that money would have been very little, considering you have to start from scratch, from the infrastructure to the complex system of the business and everything in between, not to mention that it takes five (5) years to recoup your investment.

Anyways, I decided to give the business a shot and risked the money I saved for masters, as much as I hated it, but you know…no risk, no return. I know venturing a business, regardless whether it’s a conventional franchise or network marketing, entails risks of some sorts. I mean, I risk my money for this, not knowing whether it will come back or not. There’s a good assumption I’m kind of following in almost all investment-type of endeavors, assume that the investment is lost. It makes me want to prove that mantra wrong, almost.

3 weeks later, I am still doing the business, I earned a less-than-a-thousand profit and I’m looking for both long-lasting customers and dedicated business people (downlines). I’ve had my heart broken a bit in the business because I had to trade-off important appointments for this, but I guess that’s the compromise. Writing about my accomplishments, as minimal as Francisco Costa’s designs for Calvin Klein is, make me somehow a little bit proud that I’m on my way recouping my investment of Php12,600. I guess Php929 is better than none at all. Meaningless to say, I have to earn Php11,671 more, to recoup my original investment.

To be honest, I don’t have any idea as to why I did it in the first place, apart from combating boredom at home. My previous misconception about the business is no longer here although I am very skeptical about the business, as promising as it sounds…and how it was presented. But I have to say, I have no intentions of abandoning this business…at least not until I have:

1.) recoup-ed my initial investment
2.) bought some things that I want to buy, and
3.) saved more money for my masters

Just because I did this business doesn’t mean I’ll forgo my masters. I still want to pursue may masters, although I’m not very vocal about it, but I really want to pursue it. I plan to teach, it’s what I love to do AND better yet, there’s a demand for it. I can still do masters and at the same time do my business, I don’t think I could be faulted with that right? I can do empirical research stuffs, hold international finance classes and at the same time, sell skin care lines like pancakes to those who desire to be perpetually beautiful.

Anyways…I’m doing the business part-time because I love time for myself, but it doesn’t mean I just limit myself to the usual tasks part-timers do. I’ll try to attain the goals of full-timers while I’m still doing part-time. I love making people look bad don’t I? Just kidding. Besides, right now, I can’t really do those full-time tasks because I’m doing a mall tour with Chamber, I already missed the Robinson’s Galleria leg and will be missing the Century Park Hotel one tomorrow. It sucks but my business has to thrive otherwise I won’t have anything left by next year.

I have to go now, I’ve to meet customers tomorrow so bye!

Zac Posen Pre-Fall Fashion Show 2009

Zac Posen Pre-Fall Fashion Show 2009

Fashion is about fantasy manifested through fabrics, abstract concepts concretized via high quality sewing. Zac Posen aimed to inspire everyone by showcasing this collection heavily inspired by the 40s.

Zac sent out a collection of mostly dresses, cocktail frocks embellished with swingy fringe and body-hugging knits. For daywear, there were trumpet-skirted suits in sober wools, and also came in eel-skin trench and leopard dress. For evening, the gowns were simplistic, as opposed to previous seasons of theatrical influences.

The world, by now everyone knows, is in a serious recession that surpassed even the Great Depression according to the analysts. The latter’s problem was solved around the 1940s, and in relation to that, Zac Posen thought of inspiring these economic times by showcasing a collection inspired by the era that saw the end of the Great Depression. I personally think that it’s awfully nice of the designer to bring sunshine during these bleak times. This collection was kind of retrospective but in a good way just because the 40s era epitomized a classic glamour that became iconic through the years. One thing noticeable in this collection was that the theatrics was restrained, especially in the evening gowns. That could have been a strategy to make the looks viable for red carpet occasions but at the same time, it made it a little bit less Zac Posen.

This mint green dress with a black hat (PICTURED) is one of those ultra classy looks that is very 40s, though not as theatrical. In a way, it reminiscent of Giorgio Armani SS07, probably because of the hat and the elegance it exudes.

For the entire 22 looks, click this link:
http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/2009PF-ZPOSEN

Sean Opry - Another Crush of Mine

Here's Sean Opry, or in this video, Sean O'Pry, though he said it was Opry. Either way. He did ads for Gianfranco Ferre, Giorgio Armani and Dsquared to name a few. He's also in the Men's Spring Summer of Alexander McQueen, which also featured his Resort Collection for the Womens.

He's hot, especially those piercing blue eyes. He's straight because he dated a fashion model by the name of Diana Moldovan (coincidentally, she has blue, piercing eyes too:) )

Enjoy the video





Fendi is food? Now that's new...but he's forgiven :) Wouldn't you eat with him in a Fendi Cafe, should Karl Lagerfeld and Silvia Fendi decided to open one in Milan or Paris?